Learning to Clean
by 9r7g5h
Summary: Perry wasn't expecting this when the knock on their door pulled her from bed. Carmilla: The Series.


**AN:** You know how Carmilla never did any of the chores that Laura put on her chore wheel? Well, I was reading through the old tweets on the official twitter account, and Carmilla made the comments about how she missed having servants. So, what if part of the reason why Carmilla never did anything is because she doesn't know how to do anything? That thus lead to this! I'm sorry if it sounds a bit stiff.

 **Disclaimer:** I do not own Carmilla. U by Kotex does.

* * *

When the knock sounded at her door, even though out was four in the morning and they were staying in perhaps the nicest house on campus instead of the dorms like last semester, it didn't startle Perry. Already awake from the nightmares that had been following her, without a second thought she slid out of bed and grabbed her robe, rapping it tight around her to block some of the cold.

A quick peek at LaFontaine confirmed they were still asleep, though their tablet was perched precariously on the edge of their side of bed. Where, if she was seeing correctly, JP's USB was in danger of being smashed against the floor of they moved at all.

 _Thank you, Madam Perry,_ the screen flashed as she gently lifted LaF's hand, the only thing keeping the tablet from falling, off the corner so she could place it by the bedside table. _We were having a conversation about the merits of trying to find some sort of flying beast that could remove us from this campus, but I'm afraid LaFontaine fell asleep while I was compiling some research on the pros and cons of dragons verses hippogriffs. Both options present grim opportunities, but I believe, if we offer someone up to be the dragons' bride, we could use the dragon as our mode of transportation and rescues the bride later, before the marriage is consummated._

"I see. A reasonable choice, if we can't find something that requires a little less… consummation," was all Perry whispered, though part of her was _begging_ to point out that there were no such things as dragons or hippogriffs or other flying magical creatures, and if there were, they would do best to avoid them.

But another, even larger part kept that one quite. It pointed out that a literal vampire was sleeping about three rooms away, an angular fish god was trying to wiggle its way through a hole under the Lustig Building, and she now that she thought about it, she was pretty sure the comments one of the 'students' she had talked to earlier, which had been sprinkled with what she had thought at the time were innuendos, had actually been serious about wanting to "devour" her.

And there was also the undeniable that she was having a conversation with someone who had been stuck on a computer since before computers existed, so she really couldn't justify her desire to claim things were anywhere near "normal."

It was another knock that jolted her from the internal conflict currently going on, forcing her to remember the poor child standing in the other side of the door.

 _Has Ms. Hollis finally taken you up on your offer?_

"Maybe," Perry said. With things getting serious between Laura and Carmilla, Perry had offered herself as a sound board for the girl if things became complicated or confusing for her. The school had provided an excellent series of classes for all the Floor Dons, and while she couldn't help with specific questions about dating three hundred year old seductresses who grow fangs when sufficiently aroused (even when the two looked completely innocent when she walked in, Carmilla's refusal to talk was always a giveaway as to what they had been up to a few minutes before), she could help with the more general questions. Like the importance of communication, and how to properly treat a bite wound so it's not just covered in band aids. Those sorts of things.

The sorts of things the schools had trained her for, even if the training had come from less than respectable sources.

"I need to go take care of her," Perry whispered when a third, softer knock, as if the knocker was about to give up, came from behind the door. "Get some rest, JP. And I mean it," she added when he tried to protest. "You might run on electrical power, but even you need to sleep." When he finally consented a few moments later, Perry pressed the power button on LaF's tablet and watched the screen go black.

Meaning there'd be no one to jump from electronic to electronic to listen to her and Laura's conversation.

"I'm sorry," Perry whispered as she backed out of the room, closing the door as softly as she could to not wake LaFontaine. "I was talking to JP about…well, it's silly now, but about dragons. And the possibility of using them as our Escape Plan 2.0. But let's not think about that right now, sweetie. Let's focus on you and your little…"

"Hey," Carmilla said sheepishly as Perry turned around and her words trailed off, running her hand through her hair as Perry composed the look on her face. She was in her pajamas-well, Laura's stolen pajamas, the familiar green tank top and lounge pants fitted well onto her- though she seemed more uncomfortable in them than she normally was in her leather pants. When she shifted from foot to foot, waiting for her to say something, Perry just knew.

For some reason, Carmilla had come to her for help. And as the Floor Don for this little group, she was going to help as much as she could.

"Not here," Perry said when Carmilla finally opened her mouth, motioning for the vampire to follow her. Down the hall, down the stairs, into a side room where Laura had set up her computer to make her videos in the morning. Flicking on one of the lamps, Perry sat down on the couch and patted the spot next to her, waiting until Carmilla had settled herself down to talk. "So, Carmilla, what is it you-"

"I need you to teach me how to clean."

"I'm sorry," Perry said after an awkward moment's silence, "what was that?"

Even Carmilla's glare couldn't distract Perry away from the pretty blush that covered her face and neck, her embarrassment clear.

"I said," Carmilla finally gritted out, "I need you to teach me how to clean. Not necessarily to your levels of sanitation," Carmilla quickly backtracked, "but just in general. Things like washing dishes and doing laundry and just…cleaning." She finished with an awkward wave of her hand before it fell into her lap as she shrugged.

"Well," Perry said, struggling to keep her tone neutral, "three hundred years and you don't know how to wash a plate. That certainly…explains a lot. Why the sudden interest in hygiene, if you don't mind me asking?"

"Don't get all judgmental on me, Mother Duck," Carmilla growled, leaning back so she was lying on the couch. "Do you want help keeping this place clean or not?"

"I would," Perry relented, "but only if you actually tell me the truth, Carmilla."

"I…I was born a Countess, and I grew up with servants," Carmilla sighed, one hand rising to cover her eyes as she talked. "When I was human, I had nurses and maids and butlers and just general servants to take care of everything. When Mother turned me, it was much the same. She had humans in some houses, vampires in the others- all of our needs were taken care of. I didn't even dress myself until the nineteen hundreds." She let out a small, harsh laugh, shaking her head as she did. "Even during the few years I was free, I bought new clothes each day, ate out every night, lived in hotels with room service. A life free of the mundane household chores this generation's burdened with. One of the few burdens it actually has."

"An explanation is not a reason, Carmilla," Perry said, wiggling her fingers at the other woman, ignoring the disgusted glare shot at her. "If you need a few minutes to gather your thoughts, I can go make us some hot chocolate, but otherwise I'm going back to bed. Your choice, dear."

When Carmilla grumbled a request for the drink, Perry nodded and patted her knee before pushing herself to her feet, retracing her steps through the house as she tried to find the kitchen. The kitchen where the plates from their hurried dinner were still stacked in the sink, the pots and pans scattered about on the counter, filled with water so she had the excuse that they were soaking for the night to calm her need for sanitation.

After the night they had had, they had all been too exhausted to do anything more than clean themselves up and drag themselves to bed, ready for the first good sleep they'd had in weeks.

It only took a few moments to get everything started, the pan filled and the gas stove lit, the familiar warmth helping to drive away the permanent chill. Biting back a yawn, Perry sighed as she leaned closer to the warmth, one hand held as close as she dared to the metal coil while the other slowly stirred the milk as it started to steam, careful not to let it burn. Even though she knew the risk of letting her attention slide while she was cooking, for a moment she closed her eyes, letting the yawn that she'd been trying to keep in slip. Just for a minute…

Perry jumped when Carmilla appeared besides her, two mugs held in her hands, eyeing the warmed milk greedily as it steamed and slightly bubbled, only kept from burning my Perry's automatic stirring. Turning off the stove, quickly she poured the milk into the cups, doling out generous scoops of the mix.

"Laura."

"Hmm?"

"I want to learn how to clean for Laura."

"That's not surprising," Perry said, grabbing and handing Carmilla a spoon. Watching as the other woman stirred the drink, Perry took a sip of her own, savoring the taste and the heat before swallowing. "You do, and have done, a lot for her."

"She had that stupid chore wheel, you know," Carmilla said, using her spoon to break up chunks of powder that refused to dissolve, "and while I partly just didn't do anything to piss her off, I honestly never cared enough to learn. And well, pissing off the woman I love now is _quite_ contrary to my current goals."

"Your current goals," Perry repeated, forcing herself to take another large spit to keep in a rather LaFontaine-like remark.

"Yeah. So, Perry," Carmilla said, finally looking up from her drink to meet her gaze, "will you teach me?"

"Drink your hot cocoa, dear," Perry said, leaning back against the still slightly warm stove, sighing as the heat seeped into her from both her back and her stomach, "and then I'll teach you how to do the dishes."

"Just the dishes?" If the disappointment in Carmilla's voice registered, Perry didn't let it show.

"Just the dishes, just for tonight. We'll work on everything else tomorrow."

Part of her cursed herself for agreeing to this-sleep, at least until this was done, was looking more and more like a luxury she wasn't going to be enjoying anytime soon. But that part was quickly silenced by the genuine smile Carmilla shot her, even as they were trying to figure out how Carmilla had flooded the kitchen when the sink wasn't even turned on.


End file.
